Being ghosted on by someone you deeply cared for is painful, to say the least. But when an ex comes back, when a ghoster returns, just as you were starting to feel okay may wreak havoc on your single life.
Do This When a Ghoster Returns
People disappearing from someone’s life without so much as a call, text, or email have become a typical occurrence. This scenario is pretty common on online platforms like social media or dating sites. What else has become a standard in the contemporary era? The ghoster comes back as if nothing happened!
If you’re in this situation, follow these tips:
1. Never forget what it was like to be ghosted
Remember how you felt when you initially realized they were ghosting you? Don’t forget that. Don’t disregard the fact that they did it on purpose—whether they intended to hurt you or not.
Whether you got brokenhearted because of what they did or didn’t really mind that this person was gone, there’s a high chance that losing them hurt your self-confidence. Hence, remember your true feelings at the time; this will help you determine if you want to give each other another go.
2. You deserve an explanation!
When you like someone, it can be overwhelming to face them again after they ghosted you. If you actually choose to hear them out, don’t allow them to reenter your life as though nothing happened. Address the elephant in the room right off the bat; call them out on their behavior.
When a ghoster returns, ask why they just left without saying a thing. Maybe a loved one got sick, or life has been terrible in general, and they want to face all of them alone. Whatever their reasons may be, you deserve to know why they left you hanging.
After asking them why they ghosted you, consider if their explanation is enough for you. Did it calm your heart? Or was the reason not enough for you?
3. Tell them how their disappearance made you feel
Let your ghost know of the impact their behavior has on you and hold them accountable for it.
Give them a description of how your life has been when they came into your life and suddenly left without telling you why. Explain to them how terrible it all felt to be left cold and dry. When a ghoster returns and asks for a second shot, don’t let them in until they’ve explained themselves properly.
4. Let everything sink in
It’s normal for your thoughts and feelings to be all over the place right now. Try to collect them and be kinder to yourself while you’re at it. You have every right to be pissed off or absolutely happy when a ghoster returns begging for another chance.
5. Regain the control
One of the most difficult aspects about being ghosted is feeling out of control.
Ghosting throws off the delicate power dynamics that ought to exist in relationships. Losing control can cause anxiety, confusion, and even panic. However, when a ghoster returns and asks if they could return, it’s like they are asking you to take back control. When it does, regain it.
Keep your cool, be calm, and don’t make them feel they’re altering your life’s balance by coming back. Take the rein. Enjoy the notion that you have complete control over your next move as you take your time.
6. Be extremely patient
When a ghoster returns, they’ll undoubtedly come up with a gazillion reasons to explain their actions to you. They’ll probably bombard you with calls and messages to win you back.
So, wait a little while before making finally deciding. Never respond in anger or make choices based solely on your emotions; you’ll come to regret them.
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7. Identify what you want
Do you simply want closure and put this chapter of your life to rest? Do you want to give them one more shot? You must ultimately decide whether their excuses for ghosting you and their justifications for coming back are enough for you.
Knowing what you desire will help you take the next step. Always follow your instincts when deciding what to do next; it will not disappoint you.
8. Don’t respond…
If you’ve decided that you don’t need anything from your ghost, you don’t have to respond. Responding in any way opens the door for further communication. If you’re over it, there’s no need to complicate things. Don’t give them the satisfaction of accomplishing what they set out to do: hear from you. Not only will they get the point, but it feels so good to imagine them waiting for a response.
You don’t have to reply if you’ve decided you don’t need anything from your ghost. By responding in any manner, you invite more dialogue. There is no need to make matters worse if you are over it. When a ghoster returns to your life, don’t give them the pleasure of accomplishing what they set out to do: to hear back from you.
9. …but, don’t retaliate
When a ghoster returns, the first thing you might consider doing is to ghost them back. However, that would be a terrible thing to do; the best revenge is to simply carry on. Just because someone did something terrible to you doesn’t mean you should treat them badly.
10. However, do try to get your closure…
If you haven’t given up on them yet but don’t want to give them another chance, just confront them and set the record straight. Make a clear decision and never budge from it.
Set some rules and limitations if you choose to give them another chance. This time, refrain from laying all of your cards on the table. Additionally, hold off on letting them back in until they have expressed regret for what they did. Ghosts shouldn’t have been permitted to get away with their actions.
If you opt for the latter, make an effort to strengthen your bond and create a deeper connection.
So should you let them back in when a ghoster returns? We say follow your gut—no, not your heart; it can be a traitor sometimes. Weigh things through and consider how everything ended.