“Where have all the good men gone?” Is this something you often ask yourself? Perhaps you feel that every guy you’ve recently dated seems a little off and that good men are hard to find.
Sure, some of your online dates weren’t half terrible, and some of it may be fun, but there always seems to be something missing. Or maybe you’re having trouble finding matches on online dating sites and want to give up. You can’t shake the feeling that you could do better with regards to finding an ideal match and that a part of you was looking to settle in some way.
The men you find on online dating sites are either too casual, too overwhelmed by you, not attractive enough, or don’t feel right. In the back of your head, you know you deserve something more than what you’ve been having, but you’ve come here wondering why good men are hard to find if online dating sites are progressively growing in this digital era.
Below are seven good reasons why good men are hard to find on online dating sites and some helpful tips you can use.
Why You Have Trouble Finding Good Men
1. Hookup culture makes dating harder
Casual dating has become the new norm for modern dating, thanks to online dating sites and applications. Gone are the days when you had to go through the phases of dating for you to get laid. Some online dating apps have shown men that they can hop right to dessert with just one click, so why bother with the rest of the meal?
Long-term relationships are becoming more and more obsolete, and people, including women, are gravitating toward one-night stands. Intimacy and deep connection can be achieved easier with almost anyone you meet, to the point that genuine connection forged through time and through developing relationships feels like a chore.
Hooking up with people also gives you a feeling of belonging. Men are no longer motivated to work as hard because they can easily feel good with the next individual they match with on an online dating site.
In this modern dating world, it’s significant that you get to know your potential partner first and make sure he is on the same page as you, with the same intentions.
2. You’re not using the right dating site
Although dating sites have come to characterize modern dating, not all sites are created equal. Some dating apps place a greater emphasis on quantity than on consistency. Many singles can get away with sloppy profiles, and decent photos are more important than anything else when it comes to engagement.
It’s not that online dating is terrible. It’s just that it’s so easy to use sites that any guy on the street can do it. And when a dating site or app is open to all, men of all kinds will flock to it. It’s more likely that the shabby guys will show up more often than the good men. If you want to transcend the sea of ragged men, consider dating sites and apps with higher user standards.
To find a real match and a good man, make sure to pick your dating sites wisely. Online dating sites like TrulyFilipino will bring genuine connections together. Things to look for in a real online dating platform include a full profile and a more engaging and social user interface that actively encourages connections. You can sign up for free if you want to search for your ideal partner.
3. You come off as intimidating to men
If you’re a headstrong, ambitious, and independent woman, dating might be more difficult for you than for some of your more “acceptable” female peers. Despite the current surge of female empowerment, some men cannot overcome their vast egos and remain fixated on the idealized image of the perfect female. You do not, however, need to be worried. It’s more about his insecurities than it is about you.
Some men also have an inner voice convincing them that they can financially and emotionally develop the relationship. Men’s hero complexes are activated when they feel needed. Most men seek this sense of being needed, being powerful, and being dominant in a relationship. He may feel a little insecure in the relationship if he thinks you’ve got it all figured out.
Without these traditional roles, men who’ve never dated or who aren’t used to dating strong women may have a hard time recognizing their position in a relationship, preferring instead to trot off to pursue the next damsel in distress. This makes it seem like men are hard to find, when in fact it’s because you only meet insecure men.
4. The prevalence of the “man child”
Have you ever encountered an adult male who behaves more like a child than the man he is supposed to be? Someone whose circle of friends is only limited to the days of beer pong and smoking and whose activities seem to be skewed toward pranks and heavy drinking. Unfortunately, an increasing number of men are refusing to mature and are unwittingly transforming into man-children.
A man-child, by definition, is a man who refuses to take on any obligations or doesn’t want to mature emotionally. In certain aspects, he seems to be an adolescent, from how he speaks to the way he handles himself in public. These men are the types of men with strange phobias, the majority of which you’d think he’d outgrown by now.
Suppose you’re in a situation where you’re frequently defending his bad decisions, such as being late, or not showing up at all, to your date nights, or avoiding discussions about engagements. You may want to have an open conversation with him about these topics, or you can let him know what you want in a man, and if he doesn’t change, you’ll know what to do.
5. Potential matches have emotional baggage
Because of online dating and hookup culture, it’s easy to go through a long list of potential partners quickly. On the plus side, compared to the days when dating sites weren’t a trend yet, you now get to meet many people and try new things in a brief period.
Unfortunately, this means that a lot of people are also vulnerable to heartbreak now more than ever. People become emotionally attached to relationships when casual dating turns from enjoyable to exhausting. It’s not that good men are hard to find—it’s just that they’re a little worn out.
Jumping from one breakup to the next can be demoralizing, making the world feel cold and lonely. People who carry their emotional baggage around with them cannot fully communicate and open themselves up to new connections.
Since he’s no longer willing to go for something more serious, a man who used to be a fantastic partner may become more withdrawn and unwilling to show his true emotions.
6. You’re not looking for the same things
There are various forms of love, and we all perceive and address these types of love in different ways. Some people are in it for the desire, while others are there for the attraction, and we always come into conflict with others looking for a different kind of love. And if you meet a guy who checks all of your boxes, if he’s looking for a different type of love than you, he won’t feel fully compatible with you.
In her novel, Why We Love: Three Types of Love, Psychologist Helen Fisher discusses three types of love and these are:
- Lust: A strong desire for something sexual
- Attraction: Driven by charm, novelty, and the desire to search and settle down with someone
- Attachment: Driven by a desire for protection, safety, a sense of belonging, and a sense of obligation to others
We need our significant other to be looking for the same kind of love we are. Otherwise, we will never feel genuinely content with them. There will always be a desire for something else or something more.
7. You haven’t focused on improving yourself
We all want someone in our lives who brings meaning. Who better to know that than you, given how long you’ve been searching for the right, ideal, decent man?
But, in all your searching, have you ever stopped to consider whether you’re a good woman who a good man will love? It’s not just about how you look or how you act. It’s all about who you’re as an individual and what you can bring to the table as a potential partner. Do you have interesting things about yourself? Are you fun to be with? Are you a wise person?
Consider the last time you worked to improve your self values. Rather than waiting for the right man to come to you, grow to become the right woman. When you do that, he will appear in front of you sooner than you expect.
Good men are hard to find when you’re looking in the wrong place. Search for your ideal partner now at TrulyFilipino!