When Online Dating Goes Wrong: Stories from the Internet
In these turbulent times, where going out without a mask feels like an extreme sport, Filipino online dating sites and applications are a godsend, even when online dating goes wrong. They give us an avenue to interact with people from anywhere in the world. Even from our bedrooms, provided that we have a connection to the internet!
The benefits don’t just stop with accessibility. Online dating sites also heighten the experience of meeting potential love interests, thanks to the unique personality tests that come with every site and application.
As advanced as these tests are, they aren’t always accurate when providing users with matches.
The Internet Speaks: Online Dating Goes Wrong
Humans are complex beings, and there are facets about a person that no test, human or machine-made, can ever take into account.
We’ll only ever realize this upon meeting a match in real life. If we’re lucky, we can land ourselves an excellent first (and succeeding) date(s) with our chosen sites and apps. But some people aren’t as fortunate, as we’ll see in the online dating stories below when online dating goes wrong.
A bowel movement is a factor that no personality test will probably include in its questionnaire. If only it did, then maybe Reddit user josh_t_bone wouldn’t have had such a foul encounter.
“I literally had a guy lean in to kiss me and shit his pants. He was like, “it feels really warm in my underwear for some reason. Then I could smell what seemed to be a baby diaper. He ran into the bathroom and said he’d be freeballing the rest of the night.”
If Google Were A Man
Mansplaining is a modern term that is a literal blend of ‘man’ and ‘splaining.’ It describes the condescending and confident tone men take up when oversimplifying things for women.
Given its definition, mansplaining is one way to insult a person’s intelligence, and most of us can agree that having our intelligence insulted is a major turnoff. It is undoubtedly the case for Reddit user eCaisteal, whose experience in online dating goes wrong because of an inconsiderate and insulting date.
“Went to grab dinner. He comments on me ordering pizza in an Italian restaurant. (I don’t often eat meat, [the] only veggie thing was pizza.) He comments on me eating pizza with [a] knife and fork. He comments on me not wearing enough make-up (only mascara, even though I wore zero make-up in profile pics). I politely ask about his work. He explains what he does as if he’s talking to a 4-year-old, even though he knows I’m doing two master’s degrees and did Biology at my finals.
Throughout the date, [he] kept explaining stuff to me as if I’m in kindergarten. [He] doesn’t ask anything about me but long monologues about himself. I decline getting another drink and leave. Dodge his kiss and give him a peck on the cheek instead. On my way home, I get a text asking if I’m sure I don’t want a kiss.”
Bonnie and Clyde
There are online dating applications that require users to note their list of offenses if there are any. However, it’s understandable that these sites can’t include crimes that are currently happening.
See how Reddit user Bewarethewulf’s online dating experience goes wrong because of this.
“After the date, he was driving me home when he did an illegal traffic move and got pulled over. He decided to run from the police (with me in the car). He tried to pull into a driveway and hide, but they found us.
They put us both in handcuffs while they searched the car. They ended up giving me a ride home and took him to jail. Apparently, it was a stolen car. I never saw him again, as he was extradited to another state for outstanding warrants.”
Catfishing is a notorious concept in online dating stories, with thousands of hopeful daters sharing their sordid experiences about people hiding behind fake personas.
We need to make it clear, though, that catfishers don’t always use photos of other people as they weave a new story for themselves to lure others into dates and relationships. They don’t always have ill-intent, either. Sometimes, catfishers simply share unrealistic images of themselves as a result of insecurities.
Such is the case for Reddit user DwarfStacker’s date, who believed that her size would hinder her from landing matches:
“To start, I want to say… I am very active and try to eat healthy-ish, and being very active (hike, bike, climb, or some other active outside thing almost every day of the week) is very important to me.
I met this girl on the Tinders or some site, and she looked super cute – a little curvy in all the right ways, incredible skin, and these crazy green eyes. We chatted for a while and agreed to meet at a local bar.
The girl who met me was not that girl. She was about 275 lbs, 5’5″-5’6″ ish, horrible skin that look like she wiped her face off with the greasy bottom of a WacArnolds bag, and these sullen dark brown eyes. Clearly, the pictures were of her to some degree because I could see her in the pictures.
After we said our hellos and got a drink, there was a long awkward silence—nothing to talk about. We had talked about how she also enjoyed being active outside and everything, but I did not get that impression from our initial conversation. I decided to jump right in and asked if she sometimes wore colored contacts, to which she replied no, she just liked the way it made her look.
Some more less-than-subtle probing from me (I was annoyed that I clearly had been deceived onto a date), and she admitted she was a graphic designer and quite talented with Photoshop. She basically Photoshopped herself into a 5’9″, 165 lbs, green-eyed, fair-skinned bombshell.
She admitted she had Photoshopped herself to get dates. I was dumbfounded. No, I probably would not have gone out with her if she had been real, but I know there are guys that would have, who maybe didn’t care about the lifestyle things I care about. But the fact that she had intentionally deceived me made me despise her. She then had the audacity to claim that I was an assh*le because I never “gave her a real shot.”
When online dating goes wrong, often people come out with a hilarious or cautionary tale. They share it with friends and family over meals, or perhaps over the internet through discussion boards. The fact of the matter: these people come out unscathed.
Some aren’t as fortunate. In fact, there have been news reports over the years of romantic hopefuls who never get the chance to try out other dating apps after failed meetups.
Just last year, 25-year old Psychology major Kevin Bacon fell prey to a man he met on a dating application. The man, Mark Latunski, was almost twice his age and wanted to meet up in his home outside Morrice, Michigan. Kevin Bacon accepted the invitation and never left.
Two years prior, Sydney Loofe, a 24-year-old woman from Lincoln, Nebraska, met her demise after going on a second date with a match from a dating app.
With so many things that can go wrong, more and more people find themselves wary of using dating sites and applications. For that matter, Filipino online dating may be the last thing on some people’s minds after hearing all these creepy tales, which shouldn’t be the case.
There are just as many successful online dating stories as failed ones. All it takes is proper care and caution (and maybe a little bit of luck).
But how does one go about preparing for online romance?
Do Your Research
When beginning any endeavor, it’s crucial to have substantial knowledge of the subject matter. In this case, Google is our friend.
A simple search will yield credible dating sites and applications for our areas and niches. Digging deeper, we can also find reviews on these sites (if there are any) to figure out if their features suit our tastes and budgets.
This process may be lengthy, but it’s well worth it since finding the right dating application is key to a successful dating experience. It also helps guarantee our safety.
Already using a site and have matches? Don’t be afraid to verify the identities of these individuals. Social media is an excellent reference, but it’s not fool-proof. Anyone can make an account these days, so it’s best to check photos, posts, and interactions.
Remember to Communicate
Chatting through the application or site isn’t enough these days. If we have plans of pursuing our matches, we should take the time to talk over the phone or video call before meeting in real life.
In doing so, we can pick up verbal cues during the conversations, which will avoid any catfishing. Plus, these calls are also excellent ways of seeing if the chemistry online can translate offline.
Prioritize Safety Measures
As the proverb goes, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Taking additional steps to secure ourselves before meeting up can prevent mishaps from happening.
That said, the first thing we should do before meeting up with our matches is to inform a loved one. It can be a friend or a relative, so long as they know about the essential details: The person we’re meeting with, the location, and the time we’re supposed to meet.
When possible, we should give updates, too, so they can rest assured that we’re doing okay in our excursions.
Drive or Take Public Transportation
Carpooling saves time and money, true, but both aren’t worth letting a near-stranger know our addresses. Plus, we were always taught not to get into vehicles with near-strangers, even though we’ve been talking to them like old friends.
Instead of carpooling, we can use our cars or take public transport. This way, we’re not obligated to share a ride back and can also make a quick getaway if things go awry.
Take It Slow
Whirlwind romances are exciting. They make our hearts beat fast, the blood rush to our cheeks, all because of the prospect of finding love so quickly.
Many forget that whirlwind romances aren’t always pleasant. They don’t always guarantee happy ever after. Like tornados, they can be destructive, so it’s best if we take things slow.
There’s no rush in romance. For hopeful Filipinos, online dating should be as slow and steady as traditional dating. It’ll result in hopefully more meaningful conversations that allow us to know people better before we take a leap to full-blown romance.