We’ve all had our hearts shattered by someone who decided to handle major personal issues on their own. Unfortunately, they meant “alone,” as in no longer having any relationship or communication with you. You may have promised them that you would always be there for them no matter what. It stings, and you despised losing them, but you had no choice but to accept this difficult decision. But it’s normal to struggle with the urge to talk to your ex.
Our previous relationships are either something we want to forget, something we don’t want to happen in our lives again, or something that has taught us many lessons and shaped us into the people we are today. Whatever the case may be, it is not a good reason to start talking to your ex, especially if you know you haven’t totally moved on from your relationship and want to start anew. Here are some lists of why you should consider cutting ties with your ex.
Here’s Why You Shouldn’t Talk to Your Ex
1. An endless cycle
If you continue to communicate with your ex, you will most likely find yourself committed to that same ex all over again. There is a good chance that the same mistakes will be made again, with the same result. And if you haven’t learned your lesson, you’ll end up back with that ex.
For instance, you and your ex suddenly broke up because of a third party; filled with unanswered questions, you’d ask yourself where did you go wrong, is there still a chance for you to bring everything back to normal, or you may be hoping that your ex still has feelings for you, so you try and talk it out to your ex, then you both decided that you’d give your relationship another try, and then the cycle continues.
2. Clinging on to what’s left
If you are still continually talking or texting with your ex, trying to recreate the good times, you are clinging to what is left, the memories you have with that ex, the ghost of your relationship. It would help if you stopped clinging to what’s left since there isn’t anything left to hold on to.
You might assume there’s still something to talk about, something to see, but there isn’t. Nothing truly matters because your relationship ended. You are wasting your time and energy clinging to something that was once there but is no longer there.
3. Halting your progress
The process of moving on takes a lot of time, and no one actually knows when they have completely moved on. Will you be able to move on three months after their breakup? Will you be able to move on a year after their breakup?
No one actually knows the specific answer to these questions, but when isn’t the important question. What is most important is the road you take to achieve your goal of moving on from an ex. This trip is not easy, but one thing is sure: breaking ties with your ex will significantly benefit you. There is a good chance that unresolved sentiments and thoughts may return after you contact your ex, so the best way to stop this from happening is to avoid your ex.
4. Getting your hopes up
Talking to someone, especially your ex, would raise your hopes up, which will most certainly turn into false hope. You start talking to your ex again, and then you’d secretly hope that you’ll go back to where you first started, the talking stage, and then get back into the relationship.
So instead of moving on from your breakup, you’d hope once again for a relationship and a love to occur. This prevents you from seeing other people romantically because you are so focused on trying to bring back the ghost of your previous relationship that you fail to see that people are waiting for you to let them in your life. We need to understand that not every breakup deserves a second chance.
5. Affects current and future relationships
Some people may think that an ex is a serious issue; jealousy and insecurities may arise, which is not really healthy for a relationship to possess. When you still talk to your ex, your current partner might feel bad about it, especially if it’s something you haven’t talked about yet.
Your current partner may get the wrong idea and think that you still haven’t gotten over your ex and you are still hoping for another chance, which is not a very helpful thought to your current or future partner. This might even be a reason for a serious conflict between you and your partner, leading to a possible breakup if not handled well.
6. You are opening a can of worms
What happens if he doesn’t respond? He can be irritated by hearing your voice. But now you’ve sparked dozens of new doubts in your mind. Will you call him back in five to ten minutes? Or probably less than an hour? Perhaps tomorrow? Will you be leaving a message in the event it goes straight to voicemail? What if he doesn’t respond to your text? You’ll be waiting there, doubting yourself, and checking your phone every 10 minutes to see whether any unanswered messages have arrived.
Here’s something you could do when you have the urge to talk to your ex: Switch off your phone. You’ve got this. You can succeed. You are reclaiming control of your life when you shut off your phone. Get off the phone and determine that you have bigger priorities to do than wait for someone like him to respond for the time being.
Read more: 7 Reasons Why Good Men Are Hard to Find
7. Nostalgia is only good in small doses
It’s perfectly acceptable to return for an alumni game or reunion after you graduate from high school, but if you return every weekend, you’ll be the weird old lady who can’t let go of the past. The same can be said of your previous relationship. Some things are just better when you let go of them.
8. You relive your mistakes
Part of what makes breaking a relationship so difficult is that the damaged individual often blames himself or herself. In some ways, the ending of a relationship should be viewed as a chance for personal development. It is, nevertheless, a mistake to maintain, or seek to maintain, communication with an ex in the hopes of obtaining a second chance.
If you start to talk to your ex, you’ll wake up with the same self-doubts and concerns that you had the day before. This is because being in touch keeps you stuck in limbo: you can’t be together with your ex, yet you can’t move on either. You have the choice to express, primarily unrestrained by the regret and pains of yesterday, once you let go entirely.
9. You ended your relationship for a reason
Breakups are always difficult. Every one of them has issues on both sides.
Keeping track of why the breakup happened is one of the most significant aspects of getting back together with an ex-partner. It’s a big difference between your ex leaving you because you’ve had many disagreements and fights and you act like a jerk and your ex leaving you because they have personal matters to attend to.
You are just human, and you are not perfect, and you occasionally make mistakes that cause harm to others. However, saving your relationship isn’t in your expertise because this isn’t one of those situations.
10. Someone better will come along
You are aware that this is true. Right now, it feels like you’ll be alone for the rest of your life. You may get into the pitfall of believing that all the decent ones have already been taken, but those notions will only leave you feeling desperate. There are lots of excellent ones, as well as attractive ones, out there who would be delighted to meet you.
Consider how you’d like your ideal relationship to feel. Perhaps you’ll meet someone genuine and decent on an online dating site like TrulyFilipino, and eventually, it will become a fruitful and happy relationship. Who knows, maybe you meet someone at the supermarket. Smile at people. Men, women, children, and the elderly all deserve a smile. Someone out there can be falling in love with your smile. And trust me, someone better will come along.
Read more: How to Overcome Jealousy When Online Dating
When you talk to your ex, we have to keep in mind that it won’t do you any good and may even affect your future relationships with other people. Before talking to your ex, always make sure of a few things: that you are in good health, that talking back to your ex doesn’t mean anything to you, that your previous relationship ended in a good way. Let yourself heal and move on from the pain, sorrows, and disappointments your breakup has caused you. Let time do its thing, and don’t forget that your fate is in your hands. You are the captain of your own ship. Allow yourself to let go of things that are keeping you from moving forward.